


where we land

by ninazenikcult



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Banter, Declarations Of Love, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Shenanigans, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, I Ship It, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This While Listening to Hozier's Music, If you only read one work by me, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, Mutual Pining, Pining, Protectiveness, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, True Love, Tutoring
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:29:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29644413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninazenikcult/pseuds/ninazenikcult
Summary: James Potter has always had a knack for trouble, except now in his Sixth Year, he's pushed it too far. After one too many pranks, he's being closely watched. Any more misdemeanors or failed classes and he'll be expelled. So when faced with an exam he knows he has no hope of passing, he begs Lily Evans to tutor him.As thanks for her help, he decides to to Lily a solid. He realises that there's something she needs; a fake boyfriend to make the boy she really wants to date finally notice her. And who would get her noticed more than dating ~the~ James Potter? Even if it is fake... But James still has unresolved feelings for Evans and the more time they spend together, the more he realises that those feelings aren't going away.
Relationships: James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Probation

**Author's Note:**

> any kudos, comments, bookmarks and interactions of any kind literally make my day (actually my year but u know) :) <3

Hogwarts Castle, May 1977

**James**

_We are young, we run green_

_Keep our teeth, nice and clean_

_See our friends, see the sights_

_Feel alright_

_We wake up, we go out, smoke a fag_

_Put it out, see our friends_

_See the sights, feel alright_

"Why is it when something happens it is always you three?" Professor McGonagall demanded of the Gryffindors. Her study suited her perfectly, James thought as the Transfiguration teacher stared down him, Sirius and Remus. It was a round circular room with a broad stone fireplace with curved walls hung with tartan tapestries that were embroidered with curling Gaelic text. The furniture was comfortable but practical and unfortunately it was a room he knew as well as his own dormitory.

"Professor, if I may—" Sirius began.

"Black, remember we had a conversation last term about thinking before you speak? Now, consider the following: is what you are about to say useful or is it a pointless distraction tactic to deflect from the matter at hand?"

"I was simply going to inquire what skin care potions you use. You are positively glowing and I suffer from criminally dry skin and—"

"Absolutely not, Black. Flattery won't work. You used that line on me back in September." She cast him a steely gaze and he shut his mouth with a glum nod.

"It was worth a shot," he muttered and Remus kicked him in the shin.

"If I can add to the discourse," James cut in. "I don't think you're being completely fair; it isn't always _just_ us three. Normally Peter would be here too. It's not our fault he's away visiting family."

"Not helpful, Mr Potter." McGonagall shot another withering look at them and walked behind her desk, sitting in the wing-backed chair and watching them with bemused resignation. "Would you like to hear a story, boys?" She continued before any of them could reply. "I went to write on the blackboard in the Transfiguration classroom and the most peculiar thing happened. I was unable to write in English. Whenever I did, the chalk would rearrange itself into Portugese. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you, boys?"

"Are you really so sure that it was us?" asked James with a serious expression.

"I have rarely been more sure of anything in my life."

"What happened to innocent before proven guilty?" chimed in Remus mildly.

"You three aren't quite as subtle as you think. You were spotted by one of the house elves hexing the blackboards all along my corridor. House elves don't lie, gentlemen." McGonagall's nostrils flared as she leaned forward in her seat, eyes flashing dangerously behind her spectacles. "Do you have anything to say for yourselves?"

A pause and then—

"Your skin really is glowing, Professor—" James tried hopefully but was silenced by a sharp look from McGonagall.

"We have been here a hundred times before, boys. No matter how often I tell you how disappointed I am in you or how many times I say that you are wasting your incredible potential as young wizards, you don't listen. I see no point in dragging this out any further. Fifty points will be taken from you and three nights of detention this week." She took off her spectacles and pinched the bridge of her nose wearily. "You have good hearts and you aren't malicious or cruel, but you are letting your house, your peers and yourselves down with this sort of behaviour. I worry what will happen if you do not grow out of this."

James was too used to the lecture to really absorb McGonagall's foreboding. It _had_ been a good prank; the hex was a tricky little thing that had taken him and the other Marauders several sleepless nights to master, though even then sometimes his chalk flickered between Spanish and Ancient Greek uncontrollably. Still, he said the appropriate apologies with Remus and Sirius and flashed his brightest winning smile at the professor, but was greeted by a stony glare.

"I expect better from you boys," she said, voice heavy with resignation. "Off you go—" James turned on his heel, heading for the door when she called, "— except you, Potter."

James turned, schooling his face into polite puzzlement. "Excuse me?"

"Black, Lupin, off you go, I wish to speak to Mr Potter alone."

Sirius and Remus exchanged confused glances and then looked to James, who shrugged and turned around to face McGonagall again as the door swung shut.

"Potter, things are getting out of control."

"Look, I know it was a stupid prank and I'm sorry about it. Okay?"

"No, it is not 'okay.'" She leaned back in the wing-backed chair and watched him with such a calculating stare that James could see the faint traces of the tabby cat he knew she could transform into. "These detentions I have just issued will bring your total number for this year up to forty-six."

"That's not too bad," James protested. "I had seventy-four by the end of last year."

"Potter, it's only May."

He considered this. It was true, he had a staggering number of detentions under his belt, but they were the result of harmless pranks, a few cases of missing homework, the odd discovery of firewhisky smuggled back from a day in Hogsmeade. Stupid things, really. Nothing for McGonagall to worry over. He maintained good grades on the whole and he'd stop hexing Snape every time he saw him. He'd manage to limit his days of jinxing Slytherins to Mondays and Wednesdays. That counted as progress, he was certain.

"I don't understand why we're having this discussion, Professor. Why didn't you say all of this to Pad— Sirius, I mean, and Remus?"

"Because neither of them are in danger of expulsion, Potter," said McGonagall grimly.

It was like having icy water poured down his spine, the words constricting his chest painfully like coiling serpents. Expulsion? He'd always pushed the line of acceptability, he knew that. But he had always been the lovable rogue of sorts, never in danger of anything as serious as expulsion. The thought of being forced from the castle, having his wand snapped, leaving his friends and never seeing—

No, he still would not be distracted by thoughts of a certain redhead.

"Professor," James managed. "I…" He couldn't find the right words.

The steel in McGonagall's eyes softened. "You aren't a bad person, nor a terrible student. But you have to learn cause and effect. Some members of staff spoke up in favour of your expulsion, but Professor Dumbledore, myself and several others spoke in your favour. You will be on a probation period of sorts from now until the end of the year. As long as you toe the line, maintain good grades across your subjects and stay out of trouble, the situation will not be escalated. Is that understood?"

Despite the tight knot of dread in his throat, he replied, "Yes, Professor."

The walk back to the common room was a downcast one, lacking the usual bounce to his step. His brow was furrowed, hands shoved in his pockets. The sky was setting and shafts of blood-red light crested the rim of the high windows, making the corridors glow.

Staying out of trouble was something James had never been particularly good at. In fact, it was one of the very few things he was bad at. Sometimes it was deliberate; hexing the odd Slytherin was a habit he wasn't sure he could ever shake, but other times it just seemed to find him. As for his lessons, he was an outstanding student, he knew that. The only subject he'd ever struggled in was Charms. He wasn't top of the class for that. No, that title went to the girl he'd been trying so desperately not to think about. James still cringed every time he thought about the incident last year down at the beech tree. The memory of Snape snarling ' _mudblood_ ' at her still made James's hands curl into fists.

Evans had always managed to beat him in Charms. She could pick them up in a second. Flitwick, the tiny tufty-haired professor, had often remarked that Evans understood magic. James wasn't sure how that quite worked and yet he did; he saw it in the light flick of her wand and the clear, precise way she said the incantations. Not that he ever noticed. No, gone were the days when he spent his lessons staring at the back of her head in class, watching the way her hair glinted like shining copper when it caught the sun or the way she tilted her head to the left when she was concentrating.

Nope, those days were through.

Still, a part of James did wonder if even the threat of expulsion would be enough to push thoughts of Lily Evans away.

"Fucking hell," James muttered to himself. He could be expelled and he was thinking about Evans? He shook his head.

Sirius and Remus were waiting up for him in the common sitting on one of the plush sofas before the fireplace. Ever since rainy March had melted into May and summer drew closer, the nights had grown milder but a fire crackled anyway in the grate, burning its way down into smouldering embers. Remus was half asleep and resting his head on Sirius's shoulder whilst the latter had an arm around the back of the sofa, though Padfoot stroked his index finger absently over the other boy's shoulder, tracing light patterns on his jersey. James didn't think anyone else noticed the subtle gesture apart from him.

He flopped down into the seat beside Sirius, head in hands.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, sitting up straight and yawning.

"Clearly he's upset McGonagall didn't share her skin care secrets," grinned Sirius, but his smile vanished when he noticed the drawn expression on James's face.

"Prongs, tell us," Remus said, disentangling himself from Sirius.

James recited what McGonagall had said about the mounting detentions, the call for his expulsion and the probation period, a sick feeling curdling his stomach as he did so.

Sirius swore colourfully and Remus shook his head.

"They can't do that!" Remus said indignantly.

"Honestly, I'm sort of insulted they think you're more of a trouble maker than me," sniffed Sirius and James gave him a weak smile, grateful for his friend's attempt to lighten his mood.

"Don't take it personally, Padfoot, I've always been McGonagall's favourite."

Remus looked between them with a raised brow. "You two are seriously bickering over who is the worse student?"

"It's me," Sirius said confidently.

"You should take this more seriously," Remus said to James. "You could be expelled and we wouldn't see you, would we?" Worry flashed in his eyes and James felt a stab of guilt. He shared a look with Sirius, who matched his self-reproach. Remus needed James in a way Sirius didn't; the wolf needed the black dog _and_ the stag at the full moon. If James was expelled and forced from the grounds, Remus would have face those nights once a month chained down and writhing in agony again. The tracery of scars mapped down Remus's face stood out white against his skin in the flickering firelight.

"Sorry, Moony," James said softly. "You're right. And I promise I'm going to keep my head down starting tomorrow."

He leaned back against the plush sofa, closing his eyes and trying to let go of the disastrous evening. The only bright thought was that tomorrow was a Wednesday, which meant Charms, which meant…

James finally allowed himself to think about Lily Evans.


	2. James Gets On His Knees

**Lily**

_'Cause you talk to me_

_And it comes off the wall_

_You talk to me_

_And it goes over my head_

Potions was her best lesson, but Charms had always been Lily Evans's favourite.

The charms classroom was a stone room with high mullion windows criss-crossed with lead that spilled bright spring sunshine into the room. From her seat next to the window Lily had a spectacular view of the grounds. They were spread out below like an oil painting. The lake reflected the clear, opalescent blue sky and the mountains that rose against the horizon shimmered and danced as the light glanced off the snowy caps. The Forbidden Forest stretched as far as she could see, the tops of the trees swaying like a swathe of green velvet catching on the wind.

The classroom smelled of fresh parchment and ink, underpinned by beeswax and candle smoke. The scent appealed to Lily in a way she couldn't quite describe, like it was calling to the magic that laced her blood. Charms came naturally to her, like breathing. The lessons were enjoyable; just hours spent practicing magic in its purest form, laughing with her friends and marvelling in even the simplest levitating spell.

Perhaps it was her favourite lesson because it reminded her that despite six years of exposure to magic, it never failed to spark her wonder, knowing there was something wondrous hidden in her heart.

It also helped that she sat diagonally behind Aaron Abbott. He was a tall, lean boy with tawny hazel hair and a winning smile that made Lily's stomach flutter whenever he flashed it her way. She had a habit of staring at him during Charms, twirling her hair around her finger and picturing that smile of his. Aaron was, however, a chaser for the Ravenclaw quidditch team which meant that whenever Marlene caught her staring Lily more often than not received a ten minute lecture about 'fraternising with the enemy'. Still, even Marlene's disapproval wasn't enough to dissuade Lily's daydreams involving Aaron Abbott and his broad smiles.

It was hard, though, to watch the Ravenclaw chaser when the two people behind her were being so distracting.

James Potter was sitting at the desk behind her with Sirius Black.

The two were so regularly joined at the hip that she had considered symbiosis as a possible explanation. The boys had enchanted two paper stick men to fight each other, the little figurines exchanging fragile blows and clumsy swipes. Lily was certain Potter had been put upon the earth to see how far her patience stretched. She turned in her seat ever so slightly to watch them out of the corner of her eyes.

Well, she intended to watch both of them but her gaze seemed always to slide towards James.

It's because he's more annoying, Lily told herself confidently. In fact she was so caught up in her annoyance that she forgot to look away when her aforementioned nemesis raised his head to look at her.

"See something you like, Evans?" Potter asked innocently, though the grin that tugged at his lips was titillating. He was too busy enjoying her irritation to notice that Sirius's paper man had delivered a crippling, if admittedly flimsy, blow to his.

"No, but I could hex you. I'd certainly like to see that."

"I, too, would like to see that," added Sirius, raising his hand.

"Shut up, Padfoot."

"'Padfoot'?" she echoed. "You have _pet names_ for each other?" She clapped her hands in delight. "Oh this is too precious. And here I was thinking that the jokes about you two being an old married couple were just jokes."

"I am comfortable enough in my masculinity to let that one slide," Sirius replied coolly, flashing her a charming smile.

He is handsome, Lily thought. Black had dark hair which skimmed the collar of his shirt, grey eyes like smoke pressed against glass and an aristocratic face made up of sleek lines and fine curves, as if carved from marble. But he didn't… excite her, didn't make her pulse quicken or her stomach knot.

She cleared her throat. "I hope Potter can say the same because I trust you both know I am never letting this one go?"

"Naturally," Black said with another princely smirk.

James said nothing, just looked between Lily and Sirius with a slight crease between his brow. But a second later, that rakish grin was fixed back in place and he flashed a wink at her. "As long as you keep me in your thoughts, okay, Evans?"

What came next startled her. She _smiled_.

Her eyes flitted to James for the briefest moment and she could have sworn that his own grin widened at her smile. Suddenly aware of the fact that she'd been the first to crack, she quickly turned to face the front of the class where Flitwick was calling the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw Sixth Years to attention.

The weight of James's gaze on the back of her neck made her skin prickle with goosebumps.

Absently, she reached for the gold ring that hung on a delicate chain around her neck, turning it over as she always did when she needed a distraction. It was a fine piece of jewelry, an Edwardian ring embedded with a cut emerald. It had been her grandmother's. As she was muggle-born, the ring was not goblin-made, but it was the finest thing she owned. It was also the last remnant she had of her family beyond Petunia and her mother. The cool press of the ring brought her back to childhood summers at her gran's cottage down in Cornwall where they would make blackberry jam together; go for walks along the beach as Lily collected starfishes from rock pools; or when she and Petunia curled up together with mugs of tea as her grandmother told them stories of her life travelling the continent.

She held tighter to the ring, clinging onto the memories

Lily was jerked from her reverie when a tiny professor stood on a stack of leather bound books and he said, "Now, this is your Sixth Year. NEWTs. A very important year where you will soon realise this is a step-up from OWL Charms." Flitwick had a squeaky little voice that hardly commanded much attention or authority, but Lily listened patiently. The only thing that was truly distracting her from Flitwick were the boys sitting behind her, who had resumed their gladiator tournament with the flimsy paper men.

"NEWT Charms not only push the boundaries of magic you have already learned, but they push the boundaries of magic itself." The tiny wizard waved his wand through the air and the ceiling vanished, replaced by a night sky full of glimmering constellations and planets.

There was the usual 'Oohs' and 'Ahhs' of the class as they gazed up at the star-strewn sky. With a second flourish of his wand, Flitwick restored the carved stone ceiling.

"You see?" he cheeped, looking rather pleased with his own work. "These are complex enchantments we will be working on. But I wish you to enjoy this subject too. Magic is magical, and it is important to remember that. As such, I have devised a task to prepare you for the year ahead of us." He gestured to an ornate brass goblet that sat on his desk and tapped it with the tip of his wand. "Each of you will come and pick a piece of parchment from the cup and on each is written a tricky little charm. The spell you choose will be the one you will be practicing over the next few weeks and you will each have to demonstrate to me that you have properly learnt the charm on Wednesday three weeks from now when I will test each of you individually. Understood? Excellent. Once you have your charm, you are dismissed." Flitwick called the names of everyone in the class and each of them stood up one by one, walking up to the desk and selecting a slip of parchment.

"Lily Evans," the professor chirped and she got up and was about to pluck a piece of paper from the chalice when Flitwick tapped the back of her hand with his wand and pressed a different piece of parchment into her palm. Patronus Charm (corporeal), the slip read.

Her eyes widened. She was a skilled witch, one of the brightest in the year, if not the school, but Patronuses were some of the trickiest pieces of magic to master.

"I know this is more of a Defence Against The Dark Arts spell, but you are far too capable to be practicing Colour Changing or Confundus Charms. I want you to challenge yourself, Miss Evans," he said with a kind twinkle of his eyes.

"Y— Yes, Professor," she stammered, still too surprised and oddly proud to speak properly.

"Chop, chop now. Perhaps have a read at the library? I had a word with Madam Pince and she will be happy to help you find any textbooks you might need."

After thanking him for everything, she headed back to the common room to find Marlene McKinnon lounging on one of the crimson sofas, tossing her mane of golden curls over one shoulder and frowning up at Lily.

"I got a Colour Changing Charm," Marlene huffed, crumpling up her piece of paper and shoving it in the pockets of her robes. "Maybe I can practice it between my playing with crayons and having a teddy bear's tea party," she scowled.

"That's not so bad," Lily grinned, sitting beside her friend.

"What did you get?"

Lily held out her slip to Marlene but someone else plucked it from her hand.

"Hey!" she protested, whirling around and—

"Patronus?" Potter asked with a grin, her parchment in his hand.

"Congratulations, you can read a word longer than two syllables."

"I've been working on my phonics recently."

"Excellent. Now, why are you here?"

James shrugged in his casual, confident way. It was the kind of gesture that came from being the Gryffindor Golden Boy.

"I know you love it when I annoy you."

"I think you missed a couple of key points in 'How to understand women: The Basics'."

His smile broadened and she felt a tiny flutter of… what? Satisfaction? It was always like this with Potter, each of them throwing quips, him shamelessly flirting and her making subtle jabs. Not that he minded. If anything her verbal lacerations only seemed to sharpen his interest. The goal of their parley was to make the other person laugh, or at least smile. They were very evenly matched.

Marlene looked between them with a raised brow. "Do you two want some time alone? Sex out all this unresolved— "

"Shut up, Mar. And please, never use the phrase 'sex out' ever again," Lily said, her eyes never leaving his. This was another game. The Staring Game. Loser was the first to look away, it was an unspoken rule of their strange relationship.

"Unfortunately Evans refuses to acknowledge my raw animal magnetism," replied Potter with feigned tragedy, though still not looking away from her. Those hazel eyes bore into her green ones.

"I won't acknowledge what isn't real."

Marlene sighed and stood up. "I'm going to find Mary. Just go out with each other and spare me— " she gestured between them, "—whatever this is. The sexual tension is killing me."

"Why are you really here?" she asked, ignoring Marlene's comment as the blonde headed up to the dormitory. His hazel eyes flickered, the golden flecks in his irises darkening to deep amber. Her stomach did that stupid fluttering thing again.

"I need your help," he said and his voice was even, serious. James was never serious. Well, not with her at any rate. She had seen him lose his devil-may-care casualness before. Though that memory was not a fond one.

"With what?" she asked, too taken aback her curiosity from her voice. "If you want me to proofread your love letters to Sirius, I swear to—"

"I need you to tutor me."

Unable to help herself she blinked, losing the Staring Game. A victory smile tugged at his lips.

"What?" she asked, too stunned to fire back a snarky comment.

"Now, Evans," he began, dropping down beside her and hooking an arm over her shoulder. She promptly pushed it off. "I won't take that personally. Like I was saying, I need you to tutor me for this charms test for Flitwick. I'm shit at charms."

"From what I remember you're not so bad," she said drily. From the corner of her eye she saw him stiffen.

"I… I'm sorry about what happened that day," he said, his voice low. "Seriously, I'm really sorry. But I've spent this year trying to be better." It was true she hadn't seen him curse any Slytherins for looking at him the wrong way, but it wasn't like she saw everything.

But at the pleading note in his voice and the regret that laced his words, her heart softened and she turned to face him again.

"I know," she said quietly. His index finger drummed a frenetic beat against his thigh and for a moment she wanted to catch it in hers to stop the twitch. Shaking herself internally, she settled for breaking the awkward silence. "I just don't have the time at the moment to tutor."

"Evans, darling, I am willing to beg," he said, dropping to his knees in front of her and seizing both her hands, making wide eyes at her.

"I'm still too busy."

"I could make it worth your while."

Her face twisted in disgust and opened her mouth to protest the insult but he spoke quickly.

"I don't mean like that." He paused, as if considering something thoughtfully and continued, "Well, not unless you wanted to, in which case I'm open to—" she threw him a dirty look and he added swiftly, "But that is not what we are discussing here, of course. I only meant, like, money. I can pay you. Name a price."

It was at times like these when Lily wondered what it would be like to be rich. Oh to be James Potter, heir to the family fortune without a care for petty little things like money. That was one of the things Sev— Snape had always loathed about James. No, she shook thoughts of him from her mind.

The idea of taking money from Potter bruised her pride, but when she thought of the mounting bills on the kitchen table back in Cokeworth, of her mother's tired eyes and hacking cough—

"I've got to go," she said, standing up abruptly. "I'm considering your offer, I just need time to... think."

James got to his feet, baffled by her change in mood. "What—"

"Got homework," she gestured vaguely to her bag and flung it over her shoulder as she walked towards the door.

A hand caught her wrist, tugging her around.

"Li— Evans, what's wrong?" his eyes probed her face but she kept her expression calm. His face dropped. "If it's what I said about us, you know, doing stuff. I was just joking, if it made you feel uncomfortable I'm sorry, I—"

"No," she said, forcing a smile. "No, really, I'm fine. I just need to go."

"You just got here!" he protested. But she ignored him, pulled her wrist from his hand and fled out of the portrait hole.


	3. The Same Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: References to a parent suffering with a terminal illness!

**Lily**

July 1977, ten months earlier.

_When I said I'd live a life that was a different one_

_I meant a different one_

_Not always picking up the pieces of a former one_

_I thought I'd find a different world under a different sun_

_But there's no different sun_

"You can't go back to that _school_ ," Petunia hissed.

Lily dropped her eyes to the floor. It was orange linoleum and scrubbed clean, though the scent of sickness and sadness pierced the tang of bleach and pine disinfectant. The hospital corridor was quiet now. She glanced at her watch. Almost two o'clock in the morning.

"I have to," Lily muttered, trying to ignore the guilt that roiled in her stomach.

Her sister scoffed. "Mum's ill, Lily. She needs you here and you want to go off galavanting at that place so you can learn to pull a rabbit out of a hat."

"It's more than that and you know it."

"Is it?" Petunia demanded. Her voice was hot with anger.

Lily twisted the ring around her neck.

"You need to get a job, like me," Petunia continued. "I can't pay water, gas, electricity and rent just on a typist's salary. Mum can't work while she's sick and we're barely scraping by! You need to quit that stupid school and take some responsibility."

"Tuney, please," Lily said, turning to her sister and grabbing her arm. Her hands shook and hot tears burned at the back of their eyes, her throat aching with restrained sobs. "You know I can't do that. You know what I am, I can't just—"

Petunia shook her off, white-faced. "Don't you dare mention that in public," she whispered, face pinched in horror.

"I want to help, of course I do! But I can't just leave Hogwarts to become a secretary or something."

Her sister barked out a laugh, though nothing about their predicament was funny. "So you do think you're better than me."

"No, of course I bloody don't, but I'm part of the Wizar— _that_ world, not this. I can't give that up, Tuney. It's who I am. If you were in my situation—"

"But I'm not," spat Petunia. "I'm not holed up in some castle being waited on hand and foot with a bunch of other freaks. No, I'm working ten hour days to make sure we don't lose our house and everything in it. I mean, my God," she threw her arms up. "Do you even care about mum?"

It was as if Petunia had slapped her.

"Take that back," Lily whispered, hardly able to see through the haze of anger and tears that blurred her vision. "Take that back now."

"No." Petunia folded her bony arms over her chest, glaring at Lily with unmasked disdain.

Her and her sister had never gotten along; Petunia's revulsion at Lily's status as a witch, her snide comments and jibes that she was unnatural and a shame to the Evans family name. Petunia had always disliked her, but in that moment, Lily realised her sister hated her.

"You don't mean that," she said as the first tear fell down her cheek, scorching her skin as if her sadness was acidic.

"I do," the other girl replied coldly. With that, Petunia stood, smoothing her skirts and wiping her face blank of any emotion. Shutting down; that was how she coped. Lily had first seen that look all those years ago when Lily revealed that she had read Petunia's letter to Dumbledore. Petunia hid behind walls of ice and stone, and their mother's sickness had only hardened those defences. Lily had given pain to her sister all those years ago with the incident of the letter. But they had been children then. Now they were adults, or close enough. And Petunia hated her as much now as she had six years ago. Probably more.

"I'm going to get a coffee," Petunia said, pressing her thin lips tight together. "You should be ashamed of yourself." Then she turned on her heel and strode down the corridor, haughty face schooled into tight-faced politeness.

Lily was left alone in the bleak hospital corridor with nothing but her guilt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter here but necessary i'm afraid :)


	4. Something In the Air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics are from 'lonely' by noah cyrus :)

**Lily**

_And everyone's dying, so I keep on trying_

_To make them proud before they are gone_

_But can't someone help me?_

_Oh, please, someone help me_

_I don't care, anyone, anything_

_'Cause I'm so sick of being so lonely_

Lily spent the rest of the afternoon down in a grassy corner of the grounds, watching the sun sink lower in the valley between mountains and Lake, casting a brilliant golden glow across Hogwarts. She lay on her back, using her wand to levitate some buttercup petals above her in the air. She thought about doing some homework but her mind was too distracted. Not just by thoughts of her mother and the disaster that had been that night at the hospital in July. Her and Petunia had barely exchanged three sentences with each other after that argument. Though Lily tried to talk to her sister, when it became clear that she still planned on returning to Hogwarts that September, Petunia had cut her off.

The warmth of the spring sun as it set wasn't comforting. It made her feel heavy and flushed, her skin too tight and blood too hot.

_For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring_.

Change was coming. Lily could feel it in the air. It was more than just the end of her mother's life; something was cresting the horizon of the Wizarding World and whatever it was, it was dark and cold, so different to this balmy May evening.

She closed her eyes and the sunset blazed through her eyelids, staining her vision red.

After spending hours doing everything she could not to think about Potter, she let her mind wander to his offer. He would pay her however much she wanted. All she had to do was agree to teach him a charm over the next three weeks. Her pride screamed no, her love for her family screamed yes.

And then there was what she had been even more hesitant to examine; those strange flutterings in her stomach she felt when it came to Potter. When James smiled or laughed or winked at her she felt something, though she couldn't say what. He was dangerous territory, not just because of what happened between him and Snape down at the beech tree. It was more than that. Maybe he wasn't the arrogant toe-rag she had spent so many years thinking he was, but he was still James Potter.

She lay there for a long time and the warm air and heady scent of spring grass and meadow flowers lulled her into a comfortable sleep. Her dreams, however, were a tangled mess of Petunia's shouts, her mother's sobs and then… What was wrong with her? Why was she dreaming of James Potter? And why were his hands on her shoulders, shaking her as he said her name?

"Lily," dream-James said, giving her shoulders a firm shake. It was a very realistic dream.

"Too tired," she murmured and rolled over, reaching for her pillow. But her fingers closed around grass and earth.

"Lily," dream-James repeated. Except the grip that he had on her shoulders was too solid to be a figment of her sleep. " _Lily_."

She sat up with a start, scrambling away from the hands that held her.

"No!" she shouted. "Get away from me!" She lashed out kicking her assailant hard in the chest.

There was a muffled grunt of pain and then—

"Fucking hell, it's me, Evans," James groaned, doubled up on the ground and rubbing his chest where she'd struck him.

"Potter, what are you— I— why— Oh! Oh, I'm sorry!" She scrambled forward on her knees and reached to touch him, hesitating at the last minute. "I'm sorry," she repeated, unsure of what to do as he sat back on his heels, still rubbing his chest where a dirty footprint stood out against his white shirt.

"Has anyone ever told you you would make an excellent bodyguard?"

"I'm sorry," she groaned, smacking her forehead. "But yes. All the time."

After the initial shock of being shaken awake by James, her heartbeat was back to normal and she took in her surroundings. It was in that dark, inky blue-black space between twilight and night, when everything seemed cast in a deep hazy indigo. The glowing sun had long since vanished below the horizon, bathing the school in darkness. And she had been napping in the grounds, completely vulnerable and exposed. A chill passed over her, raising the goosebumps rose on her arms and the hairs at the back of her neck prickled like the hackles of a dog.

These were dangerous times and to be outside at night was inviting trouble. Especially because she was a muggle-born, a fact which placed her at a greater risk than most. She thought of Mulciber and Avery and the other Slytherins who looked at her like she was nothing more than vermin in school robes. To them, that was exactly what she was. If they found her alone in the dark with no one near to help… Lily shuddered.

"What were you doing out here?" James demanded, getting to his feet.

He held out his hand to her and helped pull her up. She tried not to notice how warm his hand was against the now chill night. She dropped it quickly, glad that the darkness hid her pink cheeks.

"I came here to get some peace and quiet. I must've fallen asleep at some point." She drew her wand from her pocket and muttered, " _Lumos_."

In the glow cast by her wandlight, she could make out James's expression more clearly. His skin was ashen and his face tense with worry.

"You look awful, are you—"

But her words died in her throat as he pulled her towards him and hugged her tightly. "If you run off again like that, Lily Evans, I swear I'll tell Marlene that you've been secretly feeding Gryffindor quidditch secrets to Ravenclaw." She was too stunned by his sudden embrace to reply.

Instead, she patted his shoulder tentatively, albeit slightly clumsily. Never before had she been this close to him, but now she could feel the heat of his body, the solidity and strength of him. He smelled of cedar wood and early sunrise. She breathed in a little deeper than necessary.

"Potter?"

"Yeah?"

"Kindly stop crushing me."

"Shit. Sorry." He released her stepped back, running a hand distractedly through his messy black hair. It was darker than the night that was soon drawing around them.

"Why so sentimental? Or was that just a cunning ruse so you could pickpocket me?"

He ducked his head, cheeks flushing slightly in the glow of her wandlight. "You had me really fucking worried, okay? It was dark and you weren't back and no one had seen you in hours and I just kept on thinking that something might have happened. I couldn't just wait around in the common room so I came to find you." He ran a hand ruefully through his hair again. "You know what happened to that Hufflepuff fifth year last week?"

"The muggle-born girl?"

"Yeah."

"I remember."

Of course she did. The girl had been out at night and jumped by a group of Slytherins— though they weren't caught, everyone knew it was them. She'd been so badly burned by a _confringo_ spell that Madam Pomfrey couldn't repair all of the scar tissue.

"Well then." He shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "I'll walk you back."

"I don't need you to protect me."

"I know. It isn't that I think you're weak or anything, I'd do this with anyone."

_I'd do this for anyone._

Despite herself, her heart squeezed at the words. Then the twist was gone and she realised how ridiculous the situation was; of course James would have rushed into the grounds in the dark to search for a missing person. Because that's who he was. Reckless, arrogant, but with a heart that was bigger and braver than she probably gave him credit for.

He opened his mouth, hesitated for a moment and then said in a rush, "We bicker all the time, Evans, but I don't want you to get hurt. With all the stuff going on in the world… just be careful, please."

"Potter, I—" but then something occurred to her and the odd feeling that James might be mildly tolerable was pushed aside. "Wait a moment, how did you know I was out here? I didn't tell anyone where I went."

"Yeah, that was pretty stupid of you."

"Answer the question."

"Let's just say I had some help from a couple of marauders." She could have sworn she saw him tuck something into his pocket.

"Right, well, whatever you say, Potter."

He jerked his chin towards the castle. "Come on then."

They started the walk through the sloping lawns and empty courtyards towards the school.

"I'm annoyed at you too."

"I'm used to it."

"Listen to me," she quickened her pace to match his long strides. James was stupidly tall and she was half running to keep up. "You shouldn't have come alone. I know you're a pureblood but it doesn't mean you're immune to these attacks."

"I'm aware, Evans."

"So why—"

"Remus and Sirius are in detention. There was an incident that may or may not have involved a badly-timed hex on a Slytherin seventh year that Filch may or may not have seen." He paused, slowing slightly and even in the half darkness, she saw him glance sideways at her. "And because I wasn't thinking. I never do when I'm with you."

She opened her mouth to respond but quickly closed it again when she realised she was at a loss for words. Lily Evans rarely had nothing to say, especially when it concerned James Potter.

It was only after several more minutes walking in the dark that she could think of something to break the silence. "I'm sorry I ran out of the common room when you were speaking to me. It's just…" she sighed and massaged the pain at her temples again. "I'm just dealing with some things at home and what you were saying just reminded me of those things and… I don't know. It just felt like a bit too much."

Another silence.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She considered this. "No."

"Okay." He turned to her again and even in the darkness of nightfall, she could make out the outline of his straight nose, long lashes and stray inky curls falling over his forehead. "You don't have to give me an answer. I don't know if I offended you or something but it's fine."

"Just give me tomorrow to think about it."

They entered the castle and the warm torchlight burned her eyes after the dark night. Soon they were on the seventh floor corridor outside the portrait of the Fat Lady. After giving her the password and ignoring her lecture on staying out late, they stepped through the portrait hole and into the common room.

It was empty apart from a few seventh years poring gloomily over some Transfiguration notes. Lily was glad there was no one to see the two of them together. She thought about all the times Marlene rolled her eyes at Lily and James's bickering, all the sideways glances and raised eyebrows of implication.

She stopped short of the stone stairs to the girls' dormitory. Looking over her shoulder, she nodded at Potter.

"Thank you. I can handle myself just fine and I don't like that you came charging out into the night alone like an idiot, but it was nice of you to look out for me like that."

He nodded back, his eyes unreadable. "I know you hate me but I'll always have your back, Evans. So if you need me…" He trailed off, smiling at her, though the grin was muted, lacking the flirtatious arrogance it usually held.

"I don't hate you, Potter. You just… I don't know. Sometimes you're an insufferable, arrogant prick and then other times, you're rather tolerable. It's confusing."

"Was that a compliment?"

"Goodnight, Potter."

"Night, Evans."

That night her dreams weren't tinged with the usual smell of the hospital bleach. Instead there was only cedar wood and the crisp scent of early sunrise. She slept well, though in the morning she would remember nothing of the dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed, comment, kudos and any other sort of interraction are always a blessing <33


	5. The Deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics are from 'ready' by kodaline :)

**Lily**

_'Cause I've been so unlucky I don't know what to say_

_I'm running out of money, I've been wasting away_

_I'd never seen it coming, never seen a thing_

_Maybe I'll get through it if it's coming to me_

Mary, Dorcas and Marlene demanded where she had been the previous night, saying that they had been worried sick about her. Lily shrugged the other girls off, making up some lie about studying late in the library and accidentally falling asleep. It felt wrong lying to them but if they'd known where she'd actually been, alone and exposed, they wouldn't let her out of their sight for the next month. They were fiercely protective over Lily as the attacks against muggle-borns had been rising since the beginning of the year.

Mary, Dorcas and Marlene took the story, though, and she walked with them down to breakfast, her mind still reeling from the previous night's events; James offering her any sum of money for some tutoring, her refusing instinctively, memories of unpaid bills and Petunia's accusations and then… Potter left the safety of the castle to search for her in the dark to make sure she was safe.

_You might belong in Gryffindor,_

_Where dwell the brave at heart,_

_Their daring, nerve, and chivalry,_

_Set Gryffindors apart_

She remembered him proudly quoting those lines in their first year when Snape had been eagerly telling her about Slytherin being the best house. Last night more than ever before she saw the Gryffindor in James. The brave heart, the hot-headedness, the instinct to do the right thing. Over the months she had come to see it more. The goodness in him. Perhaps there was more than she had initially thought.

He was sitting between Remus and Sirius, laughing at something the latter said. His face was lit by a grin, his hair was tousled from sleep and his glasses were slightly askew.

"Seen something interesting?" came a mirthful voice. Lily quickly tore her eyes away and shrugged at Marlene.

"Yes. An enormous quantity of French toast is calling my name." She sat herself down next to Mary, opposite Marlene and Dorcas and out of earshot of Potter, Black and Remus. Ignoring the wink Marlene sent her way, she stared at the quite heroic quantity of French toast stacked on her plate.

"How did it go with the Ravenclaw boy last night, Mar?" Mary asked with a barely restrained smirk.

"You mean Andrew Clearwater? Bit of a prick if you ask me. He was nice enough at first but decided to try and explain the Quidditch League to me like I was a clueless child. And his kissing technique was deplorable. Felt like I needed to _scourgify_ my mouth out he slobbered so much."

Lily laughed, choking on her pumpkin juice and Mary cheerfully thumped her on the back.

"He sounds enthusiastic," Dorcas said. "Like a labrador."

"You can train dogs but not men," Marlene said with a wise nod.

"I would agree," said a voice behind Lily. She turned to see Remus dropping onto the seat beside her. James and Sirius sat on either side of Dorcas and Marlene.

"Even the loveable black mongrels?" Sirius asked and for whatever reason, James choked on a laugh.

"Even those," Remus replied, staring at Black with a half-smile.

"I think dogs have better manners than men," said Marlene.

"Then you haven't met the right sort of men," Sirius winked.

"Quite right," Lily smiled at him. "She's friends with you."

James laughed and the sound surprised her so much she turned to look at him. His eyes snagged on hers and for a moment before she looked back to the group at large.

"Did you lot get your practice charm from Flitwick yet?" asked Mary.

"Undetectable Extension Charm," said Sirius.

"Colour Changing Charm, and no comments from any of you or I'll jinx you," grumbled the blonde girl. Sirius shut his mouth glumly. "Lily got the Patronus Charm, of course."

"Patronus Charm? That's advanced," said Remus, nudging her and giving her a praising smile. "You've always been the best in the class though."

"You have no loyalty, Lupin," sniffed Sirius, examining his reflection in the back of a spoon.

"Just a fact, Black."

"He wants me to produce it in its corporeal form. I'm not sure if I can do that."

"'Course you can," said Mary with her usual kind, mother-hen smile."

"You need a happy memory to produce a Patronus, don't you?" Sirius mused. "Meet me in the Room of Requirement, Evans, and I'm sure I can give you a good one."

He grinned cockily and everyone else laughed. Everyone except James. He was looking between her and Black with that expression. The one that made her heart tug for a reason she couldn't explain. James's knuckles were white on the spoon.

"I think spending an extended period of time with you, _Padfoot_ , might have more of the effect of a Dementor than a Patronus. You know, the whole ' _never be cheerful again_ ' depressive spiral?" she replied sweetly. More raucous laughter from her friends and Sirius feigned heartbreak at her dismissal.

James's grip loosened on the spoon.

No one but her seemed to notice.

Did he not like her talking to his friends? Wasn't she good enough for them? She didn't have Dorcas's superiority, Mary's loveable sweetness or Marlene's popularity. Though after last night, after the undeniable kindness James had shown her, she found it hard to believe _that_ was the reason for James's tension.

Still, there was little time to dwell on whatever that had been as the screech of owls and batting of feathered-wings noted the arrival of post.

Lily, along with the rest of her friends, had a subscription to the Daily Prophet. In these times it was important to know what was happening. One never knew who would be the next missing person or dead body on the front page.

But it wasn't only a rolled up newspaper that landed in front of her. There was a letter with her name on it in handwriting that was all too familiar. It was Petunia's handwriting.

Ignoring the chatter of her friends as they skimmed the papers and opened their mail from their parents and relatives, she picked up the letter gingerly, as if there might be a bomb carefully concealed in the stamp. Petunia never wrote to her. Ever. Her mother used to send her letters every fortnight, but over the past months she'd gotten too sick to deliver owls. The fortnight letters had become monthly and then every now and again and now they had dried up completely. She didn't mind. She would rather hear nothing from her family than hear how her mum's next round of radiation left her skin blistered and her gums sore and bleeding. Lily wondered if that made her selfish.

She prised open the envelope and two pieces of paper fell out, one typed the other a handwritten note.

Dread mounted in her stomach as she unfolded the bill. Her eyes skimmed over complicated jargon about boilers and water tanks before settling on the figure at the bottom of the page.

Suddenly she wished she hadn't eaten as much French toast.

The sum was large. Big enough to warrant the nausea that rose in her throat.

Hands shaking, she picked up the handwritten note.

_Lily,_

_I need you to send me Grandmother's ring. The emerald one. I know how much you care for it but seeing as you refuse to come home and help, I won't feel guilty about asking for it. The pawnbroker will give us a tidy sum and I can clear up this mess you won't help me clean._

_I need it by the end of June._

_Petunia._

For a moment she was afraid she was going to be sick. The paper crumpled as her hand curled into a fist and she hastily shoved them back into the envelope. Around her, her friends were still talking and laughing, none of them having noticed her stricken expression and trembling hands.

"See you later," she said, forcing a smile and getting to her feet. "I'm going to go to… to class and… Potions, yeah, I'll meet you lot there."

Mary caught her sleeve. "It's Thursday. We have a double free period."

"Oh, yes," she said brightly, trying to clamp down on the panic that was snaking up her like Devil's Snare. "Of course… I meant Library. Got to read about Charms and all sorts," she waved vaguely as she stooped to grab her bag, stuffing the letter and the copy of the unread Prophet into her satchel.

"Lily, wait a moment, I'll come with—" Marlene began, but she was already hurrying from the Great Hall.

Lily sequestered herself in a corner of the Library where the old leather bound tomes concerned muggle herbs and flowers. Their spines were green and cracked and smelled of time and stillness. Her nook was small and she sat at one of the oak tables by the window, alternating at staring between the letters from Petunia and the grounds beyond the window where the sky was bright, the grass blindingly green and the warm May air drifted through a small crack in the pane.

Lily had always wanted a big family. Something like Marlene's, with her plethora of cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and distant relatives. Her friend had always told her about the raucous family Christmas parties the McKinnons held each year and Lily had been jealous of all that love and laughter. Lily's mum loved a lot, though she doubted Petunia had felt that familial love for her sister since she was eleven, but there hadn't been much laughter between the three of them even before the illness. Her mother didn't understand the Wizarding World and Petunia despised it. Her mother, despite her love for both her daughters, had never had much in common with either of them.

Laughter had always come from her grandmother.

Lily turned the ring over and over in her fingers.

Her grandmother had been so full of love and laughter that it had never mattered that Petunia seemed to hate her or that her mother didn't know how to speak with her about what she truly was.

When she had died it had been like losing a limb. Not a clean, surgical procedure, but rough, messy and blindingly painful. There were nights that Lily locked herself in the girls' shared dormitory bathroom and cried until her throat ached and her eyes were puffy. Even then, the hurt didn't shrink by even a fraction.

Now Petunia needed the last reminder of her grandmother to help their mother.

Exhausted and feeling like she'd been passed through a clothes mangle, she rested her face on her folded arms and luxuriated in the darkness and the quietude of the library where the only sounds to be heard was the occasional tap of footsteps and the rustle of parchment.

At least she had over a month to try and find a way around giving up the ring. Still, if it came down to it, she knew she'd post it to Petunia if it meant it would help her remaining family.

Never before had she so badly wanted to be rich, wanted to have enough money that she could burn a barrel of Galleons and not make a dent in her wealth. If only she had—

Lily sat up so fast she smacked her head on the bookcase behind her.

Of course.

Gathering up the books she had taken from her bag in a half-hearted attempt at study, she flung her satchel over her shoulder and ran out of her nook. Ignoring the annoyed huffs of several students as she raced past, she pounded towards the Library exit, heart beating wildly with excitement.

Just after reaching the aisle for Fair Folk Myth and Legend, she rounded a corner and crashed into someone. Unable to keep her balance, she was thrown forward and the two of them fell to the floor with a bang. Startled by the accident, she looked into the face of the person she had collided with only to realise it was a certain messy-haired and bespectacled James Potter.

With a start, she scrambled to her knees, except now she was inadvertently straddling his waist. Thoroughly embarrassed, she tried to squirm off of him just as he tried to sit up and they bumped foreheads painfully.

"Potter, what—"

"Miss Evans! Mr Potter! What on _earth_ is going on here?" came a shrill voice. Madam Pince was stalking towards them, her hawke eyes bulging.

Lily scrambled off him and got to her feet and James followed, flashing her a sideways grin.

She ignored him.

"Sorry, we fell. It was an accident!"

"Yes," Potter chimed in. "A fortunate accident but an accident nonetheless."

The librarian watched the two of them through narrowed eyes. "If Professor Flitwick hadn't explicitly told me that you needed to use the library, Miss Evans, I can assure you I would be throwing you out right now." She turned to James and to his credit he didn't cower under her imperious stare. "If Professor McGonagall hadn't told me that you will be spending quite a lot of time here from now until the end of year, you too would be out in a second." Muttering to herself about wrongdoing troublemakers, she swept away.

"Are you stalking me or something?" Lily asked, brushing off her robes.

James shrugged. "No but clearly the universe has some cosmic plan for the two of us."

"You sound like a divination student."

"I am at one with planetary alignments."

"If you make a Uranus joke, I will punch you."

"So eager to have your hands all over me, Evans."

She punched him in the arm and he grumbled that she had a hard hit.

"Are you going to explain why you were running as though you were being chased by a horde of angry Marlenes?"

She dropped her gaze and inspected her nails as though she were unconcerned with their conversation. In reality, her heart was drumming a frantic, anticipating beat.

"Looking for you. Why were you in a library on purpose?"

"Looking for you. After you made your second odd exit in twenty-four hours, I thought I'd see if you were alright."

"Why didn't one of the girls come find me?" She couldn't help but feel a stab of upset that her friends hadn't bothered..

"Oh they were looking for you," James assured her quickly. "But I seem to have a knack for locating awol gingers."

"I'm strawberry blonde."

"Denial is bad for your skin." He dodged the smack she aimed at him. "But I digress. How come you were trying to find me?"

Lily looked around their walkway. There was a group of Ravenclaws several shelves away and a Slytherin seventh year perusing the Nordic Magical Maladies and Remedies section, but apart from that, their part of the library was empty.

"Do you think we can sit? I need to ask you something."

She led the way to an empty desk by a window, the corner brightly lit by the sunlight. James flopped down beside her, arm flung casually over the back of her chair. He tilted back in his seat, chin up as he soaked up the sunshine. If she were an artist, she'd probably want to draw him.

"What did you want to ask?"

She took a deep breath, hand absently drifting to the ring. "I'll tutor you for Charms."

His eyes snapped open and he turned to stare at her with a bright grin. "Evans, you are wonder—"

"But," she cut in. "I…" She bit her lip hard, swallowing her pride and forcing the words out. "I need money."

"Done," he said without hesitation.

"How much?"

"However much you want." She hated that he thought she wanted the money. No, she needed it. But she couldn't bring herself to tell her about her mother. Only Marlene, Mary and Dorcas knew about her, and even they didn't know about Lily's financial problems at home, nor about that conversation with Petunia in the summer.

"You don't have to pay me now," she insisted. "I need to earn this money, for my own self-respect if nothing else."

A look of confusion flitted over his face but a second later it was gone. She must have imagined it.

"Okay then."

"Lily Julia Evans," James grinned. "Pleasure doing business with you."

"How do you know my middle name?"

"Marlene talks."

"Far too much evidently."

"Probably best to keep that opinion to yourself if you value keeping all your teeth in your mouth."

"For once I find myself agreeing with you."

She held out her hand and a grinning James took it. His hands were just as warm as she remembered they had been last night.

"Potter, I… You won't tell anyone that you're paying me, will you?"

He frowned. "I won't, but does it matter?"

 _Spoken like someone who's never had to care about money_.

"You know what people are like and if the Slytherins hear that you're paying me money to spend time alone with you…" The implication wiped the smile from his face.

"I won't say anything, but if anyone says anything like that to you, Evans, and I'll take a note from Mar's book and make sure to knock out some teeth." Her stomach did that strange fluttering thing at the sincerity in his eyes.

Despite herself, the knot that had been tight in her chest since the arrival of Petunia's letters loosened and she exhaled deeply.

"I can handle myself, Potter. But thank you for your chivalry. When do you want to do our first session?"

"This Saturday," he replied quickly. "I need you to meet me in the common room and remember to bring a swimming costume. Preferably a hot pink bikini but I suspect you might not be open to the idea."

"Why would I need a bathing costume?" she asked, eyes narrowed.

"Because we're going to the Lake."

"The Lake?" she repeated. "Are you going to explain why?"

From his pocket he pulled out a slip of parchment and handed it to her. "This is the charm I got from Flitwick's class. I think this explains it."

Lily took the parchment, eyes widening.

"I've got Care of Magical Creatures now so I've got to go." He reached out a hand towards her, like he was about to touch her shoulder, but seemed to reconsider at the last moment and dropped his arm. "See you Saturday, Evans."

"I don't like the water."

"To be fair, Evans, you don't like much. It's one of your many charms." With a wink, he turned on his heel and sauntered out of the Library, black hair shining like curls of obsidian and hiding a smile bright as the sun beyond the windows.

As she watched his retreating form, she thought that James Potter might yet be one of the things she truly _did_ like.

* * *

***

"You're going _where_ with James Potter?" Mary MacDonald gaped at Lily from across the girls' dormitory. Saturday had rolled around quicker than Lily had expected.

Ever since that Charms lesson, ever since Potter had tracked her down in the library, ever since he'd told her his plan to practice their spell, she'd been oddly on edge.

"The Lake," Lily sighed, tugging on a knitted jumper over her blouse.

"What the fuck?" Mary asked calmly.

"My thoughts exactly," nodded Marlene from her bed.

"I thought you hated Potter?"

Lily ran a brush through her dark red hair, pushing her fingers through the smooth sheets and buying time. After deliberating on her words she said carefully, "I don't _hate_ him. I just think he's childish. And ever since he stopped asking me out every three seconds he's become much more tolerable."

"Of course she doesn't hate him," cackled Marlene gleefully. "It's a shame that you won't admit you love talking with James because the poor boy has it bad for you."

Lily's heart shot to her stomach and heat rose in her face. Yes, he _had_ asked her out an innumerable amount of times over the years, but that was what he did. James flirted and joked with everyone. He was joking with her, regardless of whether or not she wanted him to be sincere.

Which she _didn't_ , of course.

Besides he hadn't asked her out once since that disastrous incident at the beech tree the previous year when Severus had called her—

No, she wasn't going over that again.

"Don't be ridiculous," Lily said, frowning.

Mary threw a pillow at the blonde's head. "Actually, I agree with Mar."

"Then why throw a pillow at me?"

Mary shrugged. "Just wanted to throw something at you."

"He flirts with everyone," Lily said, hoping the other girls wouldn't notice the pink in her cheeks.

"Yes, but only because you won't flirt back," said Mary. "Anyway," she continued, "Why are you going to the Lake with Potter?"

"It's for a Charms project. I agreed to help tutor him and it's not like there's anywhere else for us to practice, is there?"

The girls' smiles widened.

"So you'll be his teacher and he'll be your student? Do you have any idea how wonderfully pornographic that set up is?"

"He intends to ravish you," declared Marlene.

"Whilst Giant Squid watches," added Mary.

"You two are thoroughly vile," Lily said sweetly. "And it's not like that. He said he'd pay me and I need the money. Anyway, he's annoying and immature and I'll probably hex him before we get any practice in."

"Don't pretend like you don't love it when he annoys the shit out of you," Mary grinned.

"Honestly, the sexual tension is so strong when you bicker that I get second hand horniness," Marlene added earnestly.

Lily rolled her eyes and walked over to the door. "I'll see you two later."

"Enjoy the ravishing!" the blonde called after Lily as the latter swept from the dormitory.

"And the Squid!" shouted Mary.

James was waiting for her in the common room when she entered the circular room. Bright sunshine dappled the tower and lazy Saturday morning chatter filled the air. Beyond the mullion windows, the sky was bright blue, no clouds in sight, and the lake glittered in the distance, framed by the snow-capped mountains. Mistle thrushes and skylarks swooped through the grounds, the sound of their wittering birdsong solidifying the fact that summer was on its way.

James was sitting in front of the empty fireplace with Remus and fresh parchment, ink and quills surrounded them. Sirius reclined lazily in an armchair, his eyes shifting between Remus and the herbology notes. She smiled to herself.

"James," Lily tapped him on his shoulder. He turned around, his coquettish grin bright as ever.

"Evans, excellent. I didn't think you'd actually show up."

"Weren't you telling those Third Years that you were a seer last week? Couldn't see me coming?"

"Alas the inner eye is strictly for the weekend. Wouldn't want to strain it."

"It _is_ the weekend."

"Then I need an eye test."

"Ignore him, Lily," Remus said, flashing a bemused expression at James. Predictably, the prefect was shabbily dressed; his shirt was frayed and trousers faded, but his wry smile and soft brown eyes made up for it.

"Yes, what dear little Prongs is trying to say is that he's embarrassingly excited to see you," said Sirius, dodging the copy of ' _One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi_ ' which James had promptly chucked at his best friend's head.

"Pet names still going strong, I see?"

"If I didn't know any better, darling, I'd say you wanted a nickname," Sirius said, charming smile at full power. "Lily… Hmmm… How do you feel about Petal? Pollen, perhaps? Plant? Photosynthesis?"

"Definitely not Photosynthesis," Lily cut in. "And I'm perfectly fine with my name as it is."

"Are you sure? Those were just the P's. I have plenty more, Petal—"

"Come on, Evans," James said abruptly, getting to his feet. His eyes flickered between her and Sirius and for the second time that week, she caught a flash of that indiscernible expression that made something in her shift uncomfortably.

But then it was gone. Any trace of… whatever it had been, vanished.

"Treat her nicely, Prongs. Remus and I raised you right," Sirius smirked.

"Treat her nicely or I'll have to introduce you to an array of violent hexes," came a mild voice. Marlene flopped down in James's vacated position.

"That I don't doubt," James nodded before turning to Lily. He was standing in a pool of sunlight, his jet black hair clean and rumpled, his glasses catching the light. And she was staring like a fool. "Shall we go then?" he asked. He was looking into her eyes directly. Not flirtatiously, more like… like he just wanted to look at her.

For goodness sake, she really must be imagining things.

"Right… Yes."

She glanced back at Marlene before leaving and the blonde winked, mouthing one word: _ravish!_

Shaking her head, Lily followed Potter out of the portrait hole. She was confused by the tendril of excitement that had unfurled in her belly and could hardly comprehend the fact that she was about to go swimming with James Potter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this was so fvcking long!! i had a lot to get through in this chapter and i hope you leave kudos or comments if you enjoyed :)


	6. Olive Branches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics are from 'illicit affairs' by taylor swift :)

**James**

_And that's the thing about illicit affairs_

_And clandestine meetings_

_And stolen stares_

_They show their truth one single time_

_But they lie, and they lie, and they lie_

_A billion little times_

"Now, Evans, I'll be half-naked this afternoon but that is not an excuse for you to attempt to ravish me," he declared. "Although if you were to attempt to seduce me, that is also very okay."

Evans rolled her eyes so hard he was impressed they were still in her skull. "Don't flatter yourself, Potter," she warned but was smiling. The sight sent a warm thrill through his chest.

They were at the edge of the Lake, the water lapping rhythmically against the silt and sand. He'd been all for going to the popular stretch of beach where most of the students went when the weather was nice, down by the beech tree. But naturally, she couldn't bear James to get his way and had insisted on finding a deserted corner of the lake where no one would see them.

"Are you planning on murdering me? Is that why you've brought me here where no one else can find us? Because I can think of several better locations with better views to do it." He looked around at the small crescent of willow trees that encircled their bay. Lily flowers grew between the twisting roots, their perfume saturating the air and mixing with the freshwater scent of the Lake. James breathed in deeply.

"If I was going to murder you I would have done it a long time ago and I certainly wouldn't treat you to the scenic views." She was hanging back from the edge of the water, arms folded across her chest and a slight furrow between her brows. They'd arrived several minutes ago with him complaining that his feet were aching and Lily cheerfully ignoring his plight.

Sweat beaded on his neck and between his shoulder blades as the sun beat down upon them and he kicked off his shoes, socks and jeans and pulled his shirt over his head before taking a few steps into the water.

"Aren't you coming in?" he asked, wading further out. But she hung back, eying the water with a reluctant expression. "I'm afraid water is sort of integral to this."

"I thought you were going to practice the charm?"

"Need to get used to the water first. Been ages since I've been in it. Now come on, Evans, or I'll prune."

"I don't like the water," she admitted. Colour crept up her cheeks, her skin flushing pink like the inside of a seashell. She didn't like the water? Well, that certainly explained why she looked like a deer in headlights as she watched the lake. "I told you that in the Library but you promptly ignored me."

"It doesn't bite, Petal."

"Petal?" she repeated, eyebrow cocked.

James turned back to the water, watching the sun glance off the surface in shimmering shards. "You didn't mind it when Sirius called you that." His voice was tighter than he meant it to be; like he was bothered.

Stupid, really.

Evans was free to flirt with who she liked, it wasn't his place to be jealous. So why did a prickle of annoyance dart down his spine at the thought of Lily watching Sirius? He'd had a… _thing_ for Lily since the day he first saw her on the train, and even though he knew he needed to let go and let his feelings mellow into nothing more than a teenage fancy, the grip Evans had on his heart never loosened.

Still, he had been doing his best since the incident under the beech tree to ignore it. Every time those… feelings rose to the surface, he pushed them down and turned away. He was past pining over a girl who seemed irritated by his mere existence. As it turned out, he would have to push a lot harder because the pull he felt towards her was just as stubbornly strong as ever.

_She doesn't want you_ , he reminded himself. He didn't need a Pensive to remember every rejection.

"I do mind," she said. "And like I told him, my name will do just fine."

"Whatever you say, Evans."

"I meant Lily."

_Lily_. His mind wandered back to Fifth Year and the OWL exam, sitting in the Great Hall for their exams and James writing her initials over and over. _Lily_. With her dark red hair, jewel green eyes and a smile that did unexplainable things to James. _Lily_. Who cut him down at every opportunity. _Lily_. Who sometimes whispered his name in his dreams. Or maybe because he had to wake up from them, they were nightmares.

"Why don't you like the water?" he asked, needing to change his course of thought.

She shrugged, taking a tentative step closer to the edge of the lake. "When Petunia and I were younger our parents used to take us to the seaside during the summer holidays. One year we went to Bournemouth Pier down in Dorset and I leaned over the edge of the pier and tipped right over." She eyed the water suspiciously as she continued. "I was about seven or eight and I had no idea how to swim. I nearly drowned but the coast guard got to me in time. Since then I haven't touched the water."

"So you don't know how to swim?"

"Don't laugh. It's embarrassing—"

"No," he said quickly. "No, it's not. I mean, well, maybe a little bit, but if it's any consolation I didn't know how to tie shoelaces until fifth year. Remus tried to teach me and the hours were so gruelling he demanded financial compensation. Now _that_ is embarrassing."

"Yeah, it is." But she was smiling and the worried crease vanished from her brow. Something like satisfaction flared in his chest.

"Well then, there's only one thing we can do." He turned back to her with a crooked grin. "Luckily for you, I am an _excellent_ swimmer."

"No, absolutely not."

James clutched his heart. "You don't think I can swim? You wound me."

Her hands were on her hips. James tried not to notice.

"I believe you it's just…" She looked around, as if searching for an excuse. Realising that there was no way out of this, she dropped her arms and sighed resignedly. "Promise you won't let me drown?"

"Well—"

"James."

"I promise," he said, grinning at the amused exasperation on her face. His eyes glanced down her body, taking in the cornflower blue sundress that accentuated her soft curves and gentle lines, the hem finishing halfway up her thighs. James turned back towards the water. Noticing the smooth skin of Lily Evans's legs was not a good idea.

"You might want to take that dress off," he said over his shoulder, eyes resolutely fixed on the glassy surface of the water, on the grassy bank opposite their cove, the swallows that flitted against the blue sky like kinetic ink, anything to distract himself from her _Evans_ ness.

"Bit forward," she said wryly. "Asking me to take my dress off before a first date?"

He stiffened and instantly hoped she didn't notice his change in demeanour.

"I think we both know I've asked you out enough times," he said mildly, though this reminder of every rejection made the clear spring day darken in his eyes. As much as he tried to deny it, the fact remained that there was still a part of him that ached for Lily Evans, a part of him that was desperate to ask her out one last time, a part of him that wanted her to say yes more than he wanted his next breath.

But that was a pointless child's fantasy and James refused to be the lovesick boy who waited around for a girl who would never want him back.

"James…" she said after a long pause, clearly not able to find the right words.

"Point remains, Evans," — the nickname felt sharp in his throat— "that the dress will weigh you down."

Another pause and the soft sound of fabric brushing against skin as she pulled off the dress. James fixed his gaze on a cluster of boulders on the opposite bank. He waited to hear the quiet splash of her wading through the water, but the stillness of the balmy spring continued unbroken.

He turned around to face her and the breath hitched in his throat. She was in a dark green bathing suit, several shades darker than her gem-green eyes. It left nothing to the imagination and James definitely did not notice the lithe curve of her waist, the fullness of her breasts and swathes of creamy skin. Her dark red hair was swept up into a loose chignon at the base of her neck and stray tendrils framed her face. She folded her arms self-consciously across her body. James couldn't think of a single thing she would have to feel insecure about. Seeing her stand in the dappled spring sunshine, it was a struggle to think straight.

She wrung her hands, nervously eying the water. "It's not exactly a hot pink bikini, though."

"I would look better in one anyway. Don't be jealous."

She laughed, but still eyed the water with discomfort.

_Don't do it_ … he warned himself, but too late.

He walked through the shallows to where she stood and held out a hand. "I promise I won't let you drown. As long as you admit I would look stunning in hot pink."

She rolled her eyes on a smile. "Does your ego know no bounds?"

"Careful, Evans, your insecurities are showing. Not all of us can pull off—"

"Oh shut up." And she took his hand.

James forced himself not to react to the feeling of her hand in his. Where his skin was rough and calloused from years of Quidditch, hers was soft and smooth with graceful fingers like a piano player. Her hands were small in his, but they fit perfectly together. When he caught her staring at the water like a shark was about to break the surface, he squeezed her hand. Just the slightest pressure. Like a place marker.

There was a pause.

And she squeezed back.

Something loosened in his chest like a knife slicing taught rope. He felt bolstered, more like himself.

"Come on, Evans," he said, his voice slightly rough. He cleared his throat and gave her hand a tug.

Her hand tightened in his and she allowed him to lead her into the water.

"See?" he grinned as she took a few tottering steps into the Lake, knees trembling like a newborn foal. "Three inches of water is far less terrifying than one might think."

"Don't patronise me," she warned but didn't drop his hand.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

The water rose up their legs as they moved further out from the bay until it was up to their elbows. Lily quaked like a leaf.

"How angry would you be if I splashed you?" he asked brightly.

"Let's just say I've been looking for someone to practice the Anteoculatia hex on. I'm sure you would make the perfect subject."

"Is that a yes?"

She poked him in the ribs. Unable to help himself, he poked her back, pinching her waist. It was a light touch but she squealed and leapt at the contact. Losing her footing at the sudden motion she careened backwards into the water with a loud splash but didn't let go of his hand and brought her crashing beneath the water with her, his body on top of hers. Without the foresight to close his eyes, he blinked in the water. Lily was beneath him, her auburn hair swirling around her like a liquid copper, kinetic and smooth. Her eyes were screwed tightly shut and her nose wrinkled in distaste. He laughed, only to remember they were in the Lake and bubbles streamed from his mouth. Half-choking on the mouthful of lake water, he pushed against the lake bed and pulled Lily up with him.

He broke the surface and coughed hard, filling his lungs with clean air.

Lily was running her fingers through her wet hair, the strands tangling like an autumnal mane.

"That was your fault!" she shouted, but a laugh cracked her reprimand and she buried her face in her hands trembling with laughter.

"Are you _ticklish_ , Evans?"

"You wouldn't dare."

"Fine, but just know that I now know your mortal weakness."

She laughed again and James's grin was so wide he thought his jaw might crack. His eyes tracked over her face, taking in the happy spark of her green eyes, the way her full lips pressed together, the glow of the sun against her copper hair, highlighting the strands of gold. James couldn't help but notice the way the bathing suit clung to her curves like a second skin, water running in translucent veins down her throat and her chest. Freckles dusted her chest and back and James wished he could use his finger to trace over them, like mapping constellations.

"Would you look at that, Evans." He gestured to her, grinning. "A veritable Grindylow already."

She pushed him hard and he toppled over in the water. Unwilling to go down without a fight, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her down with him, laughing as she called him a colourful string of expletives.

This was good. This was easy. This was new.

Him and Evans fooling around in the water, splashing each other and shrieking like school children as they lunged and grabbed at one another. There was nothing overtly sexual about what they were doing; James was too focused on keeping her distracted from the fact that they were now submerged to their shoulders and drifting further out. But it satisfied a tiny portion of that part of him that ached for her.

This closeness, the press of her skin against his, the laughter he had managed to provoke… It might be the most James would ever have of her. That was something he would have to content himself with.

"Resistance is futile, Evans!" James shouted, dodging a tiny tsunami Lily splashed his way.

She laughed and kicked back in the water. "You wish—" she began to say, but her voice stopped abruptly as she took another step back, eyes widening as her chin dipped below the waterline and she spluttered a mouthful of lakewater. He was about to laugh, when he saw the sudden flare of panic in her green eyes, like fire sparking behind emeralds.

"Potter," she choked, thrashing about and churning the water. "Can't— touch— out of my depth—" Another choke and she dipped below the surface again, lashing about desperately for something to hold onto. His stomach dropped to his knees and alarm bled into his stomach like hot lead.

"Evans!" He launched himself towards her, half wading half swimming, with disregard for everything but reaching her.

A moment later he was a foot away and grabbed her about the waist, hauling her unceremoniously out of the water. Her hair was plastered to her head and she coughed up a mouthful of murky water, though seemed otherwise unharmed. She scrabbled in the water, latching herself tightly to him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, legs hooked firmly around his hips.

"Evans," he repeated, trying not to think about the fact that their torsos were flush against each other, her lips a breath away from his. "You alright?"

Her chest rose and fell quickly with her deep breaths. He suspected that her heart was probably racing as fast as his, though not for the same reasons as him.

Her skin had paled from the shock, each freckle standing out clearer than usual.

"Yeah," she laughed shakily. "I couldn't feel the bottom of the Lake." She looked between them, seeming to suddenly realise that the two of them were thoroughly entangled. "Oh, shit. Sorry. I didn't mean to latch onto you like a—"

"Koala?"

"—Leech."

"Too hard on yourself, Evans. Though in fairness to leeches, at least they can swim."

Yes, that was good. Humour was good.

Distraction from the heat of her body and the softness of her curves was necessary if he wanted to make it out of this afternoon without the complete obliteration of his dignity. His trunks already felt too damn tight.

"Take me back to the shallows," she said, green eyes flickering over his face. For a second he could have sworn they dipped down to his lips, but a second later they were at his eyes again.

He nodded, holding his breath as he waded out of the deep end. His skin felt blistered from all the places their skin touched and he was impressed that he'd managed to focus on anything other than the soft weight of her against his chest.

In that moment it was easy to pretend that he and Evans were more than… What? Friends? She certainly didn't seem to hate him as much as she had, but what the two of them had wasn't friendship. He doubted he could ever just be friends with Lily.

She let go of him the moment the water dipped low enough that she could stand up in the water without risking drowning. For a moment he had the bizarre urge to catch her hand, to pull her close and ask her to come back to him.

Of course, he didn't say or do anything of the sort, but that was the moment that James Potter knew he was completely and utterly fucked.

"I hate this," James declared.

He had spent the last hour practising the charm he'd pulled from Flitwick's goblet. Or at least, he'd been _trying_ to do it. Progress was painfully slow.

After the near-drowning incident, they'd gone to the riverbank to retrieve their wands, returning to the water but going no deeper than their calves. Lily had given herself the once-over with a towel before pulling her dress back on.

"You're thinking too hard," she remarked.

For what felt like the umpteenth time, he raised his wand and tried to copy her wandwork. " _Lymphaea_." The water gave a feeble squirm, writhing up in a blue-green column. It trembled for a moment before losing its (admittedly wonky) structure and splashing back to the body of the Lake.

"I hate this," James repeated cheerfully, though he was barely resisting the urge to stamp his foot like a petulant child.

"You need to let it flow. This is a water charm and it needs to flow like water." She swirled her wand in a deft, fluid motion, like an infinity symbol on its side. " _Lymphaea_." A fox morphed into being on the surface of the Lake, sculpted entirely from water. It scampered over the glassy surface, not shedding a drop. He glanced over at her, trying to keep his face understated. If Evans knew how awestruck he was that she made such complicated pieces of magic look like a simple shoe-tying spell, her ego might grow as big as his.

Her eyes were bright as she watched the vixen pad back and forward on the water. A smile curved her lips; a real smile that did peculiar things to James. Something about the way she seemed to love magic made him want to master this spell. Not for Flitwick's test or McGonagall's ultimatum, but to keep Evans smiling.

"See? Transfiguration is your strong suit, but this is Charmwork. It's about imagination and belief. Now you try." She lowered her wand and the fox melted back into the Lake.

Once more, he raised his wand and narrowed his eyes in concentration.

"You're overthinking again," she interrupted. "Stop thinking about the mechanics of it and just do it."

"You're bossy."

"You're deflecting," she said with the patient tone of someone dealing with a naughty child.

Rolling his shoulders, he tried to let go. Thoughts of expulsion and the upcoming exam pricked behind his eyes like a migraine, making it hard to focus.

"I can see you trying too hard again," Lily said, taking a step closer to him. It was an infinitesimal distance, yet knowing she was near was soothing against his tight-strung thoughts. Now his mind was taken from his problems and to the memory of her laughter and the press of her body against his.

Tension loosed his shoulders and he breathed out heavily.

" _Lymphaea_ ," he said with a flick of his wand, his words clear and steady. The surface of the Lake rippled and a water-wrought animal leapt out. It was an enormous creature, powerful and regal with antlers crowning its face.

Lily let out a surprised but pleased shout. "Is that a—"

"A stag," James grinned. "Yeah."

The stag took a few steps on the surface. Unlike Lily's vixen, the stag's form stuttered slightly, losing drops of water as it moved. After a few rippling steps, it dissolved back to the lake with a splash.

"Potter, you just— I— that was fantastic!" Lily shouted, clapping her hands in delight. James shouted in delight, performing a victory dance that sent sprays of water everywhere. She laughed, tilting her head back and closing her eyes. He'd seen that smile a thousand times before, though never before had it been there because of him. Not like that.

He tossed her a grin, his face casual, though his heart was doing backflips. "Careful, I think you almost complimented me."

"Me?" she laughed. "Impossible."

"You're a good teacher, Evans."

"Thank you, Potter."

"Evans?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we friends now?"

She paused, brow drawn in thought. Part of him wanted her to say no, to say that friendship would be impossible because secretly she felt the same ache for him as he did for her. It was a stupid fantasy, James wasn't an idiot. He knew she didn't feel the same way, but he couldn't help but hope that maybe—

"I think so."

"Oh."

She tilted her head and a coil of auburn hair fell free from her updo. "You don't want to be friends?"

_No, not just friends._ "Yes."

"Good. Because being a dick is so tiring."

"I've never been a dick," he pointed out. "You've always been one, but luckily I have very, very, very thick skin. A lesser man would have crumbled.".

A look of surprise flitted over her face. "No, I guess you weren't a dick. You were just arrogant and immature and, God, the amount of times I wanted to just slap you."

"All this past tense is making me feel very optimistic."

"Well, you are still all of those things, but you've improved."

"I'll take that." James hesitated before asking, "Did you hate me because of all the stuff that happened between me and Sniv— Snape?"

Her expression tightened but she didn't look angry. "It was partly that. I suppose I just always thought you were a bully and I can't stand them. But you're not, I see that now. As for Snape… After what he said…" She trailed off, the sunshine gone from her grass-green eyes.

"I'm sorry that I upset you when I hexed him that day by the tree. But I still think he got what he deserved. Snape… he never deserved you. Not as a friend and certainly not as anything more." The idea of Snivellus putting his hands on his Lily in that way made James want to gag. _His_ Lily? _Not yours; not then and not now; not yours ever_.

"It was never like that," she said sharply. "Never."

"Right," he said, nodding and shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Potter?" They were both staring out at the Lake, watching the afternoon sunshine glittering on the water like thick strokes of honey.

"Yeah?"

"I never hated you. You pissed me off to no end and I didn't like you, but I never hated you."

"I know," he replied, smiling slightly.

He could practically hear her frown. "You could have at least tried to look surprised."

"Don't worry, Evans. You did a stellar job at acting like you hated me, but there isn't a hateful bone in your body."

**Author's Note:**

> please comment your thoughts, they always make me smile :)) i'll be trying to update every few days!


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